I was asked the other day, "Do you blog everyday?" I simply replied, "No, I don't have something to say, everyday!" I don't know, I'm kinda like this isn't my life. I wished that I could just think up things to write about everyday. It would only serve in my opinion to make people angry, and I'm not really trying to do that. It's true, I have very strong opinions and stuff, but I'm not trying to go viral or nothing. I'm also not trying to let people into my daily activities. I want my blog not to be about my being popular, because of my blog, but my blog being popular, because it's something that I write. I am a writer and I enjoy what I do. I'm not out to exploit my talent, but provide valuable opinions on the things going on in the world that interest me. If you wanna be kept abreast on these blogs and when they are happening hit me up on Facebook and ask to be my "friend". Or join my Yaktownnews.blogspot.com page on Facebook and there will be post there whenever there is a new blog. I'm not going to sit around all day and think of things to write everyday. Survivor comes on once a week, and so does your favorite shows. All of those that do come on everyday are reruns and you've seen them all before.
If I wrote about nothing everyday, you would get the same old tired opinions everyday. Most of my day is spent with Steve, anyway. I don't think he wants me telling the world about our relationship. I believe that's something he wants to keep a secret. I have told you how sorry he is and afraid of the crookedness here in Pontiac. He sent me to prison, because he was afraid to lose his job and career in law enforcement. My biggest fear is that he will use the things I write on my blog against me in a court of law. I'm not suppose to have any contact with him, but I do on a regular bases. Most of the stuff I write about here is all based on a relationship with him that I'm not suppose to have.
For example when I bitched and whined about his fake wife and children on Facebook. Well, yesterday I tried to find him, his fake wife and that high school friend on Facebook and they had all disappeared. He's afraid that I might send him a friend request, or leave her a message and he'll be forced to have me arrested and sent back to prison. Since there is a PPO out against me, any of those moves would be grounds for him to have me rearrested and sent to jail. Since this blog is pissing a lot of his colleagues in law enforcement off, he's being really cautious with my contact with him, because he would be forced once again to send me back to prison. So for me to write here everyday would not be smart for that reason, too.
Since he is invading my life willfully everyday, and getting on my last nerves mostly, he don't want anyone to know about that. That would mean a possible jail or prison stay for me and I have told him if that ever happened again I was walking out of his life; forever. It's bad enough that Paul is trying to cause me to leave the area, and since Steve is scared of Paul, I have to look like an out of control blogger and not a disgruntled girlfriend, because these blogs might put him in another awkward position. Since he will never choose his job over me, the likely hood that I would be jailed for a mistype is very likely. So we have to make sure of what I say is protected by my First Amendment to "free speech". I can't write to him, or slander him on this blog!
That would mean that he would be forced to have to bring me up on charges again, because he's not ready to tell the world publicly about his feelings for me, although everyone at this point knows. Pretty much everyone in my life who isn't me is either scared of him or a snitch. Those who aren't are out to get me; everyday! They might come to this blog to discover what is really going on with us. I think that I'm going to be pretty much stalked by law enforcement for a while. Since Steve isn't ready to commit and is still trying to figure out of he wants his fake family or if we are compatible I'm stuck in limbo. No, I'm stuck on stupid. How can I allow a man to control my day, invade my laptop and not commit to me. Not take care of me, drain my resources and control my everyday and still be afraid that he will be forced to send me to prison.
Sit her in my mother's three room apartment, while he has a four bedroom house' is just sickening most of the time when I think about it. He wants to take up my entire day, but I don't have the $40 to get my hair braided and he makes 60k a year. It's just me being weak and low and having the worst case of low-self esteem of my life. And Katt I know he didn't do it to me and that I have done it to myself. I don't know how I got wrapped up in such a sorry man, who has the power to scare the heel out of every man and keep them out of my bed. Yet lacks the will and power to stand up for me and show up in a powerful way in my life! I don't know how in the hell a beautiful, successful and very wise woman got thrown in to this "nothingness" of a relationship that really doesn't exist, but in his sad and insecure mind.
So this is why I can't write on my blog everyday, because is the real issue of my life that would just engulf the sound concepts of a daily blog. Since I am always disgruntled, angry or fuming about something he has said or done to stifle my progress and ultimately leave me broken down and unable to do for myself; I choose not to do this on a daily bases. Plus, ya'll don't click onto my ads and give me no money from it. I have 1000 views, but haven't made any money! I can't believe that and feel that probably some of his doing, too. He knew if I had any real amount of money I would leave Pontiac and also leave him! Most of my being "stuck on stupid" is just plain old being stuck! His underhanded deeds and slight of hand is the cause of so much stress in my life. He is really one of those people who believe they are God. If you want to hear more and possibly send me back to prison, please inbox me, join my page on Facebook, by hitting the "Like" button or by leaving comments with your views of this blog.
If not, I will assume that you are all afraid of "THEM" and therefore, I won't feel that you are worth my daily energy. I'm not working hard for you, when I'm putting my life on the line and you acting like Steve and are afraid to actually show-up and show that you support me. I get enough of that from him; everyday. I'm not going to allow myself to be abused by you to on a regular bases; I think there is something infinitely wrong with that! Don't you? Steve don't want to openly support me, you don't want to openly support me, everybody is "ghost" in my life and I'm just going to break my ass everyday to give you a part of me. If you can leave him a message these days; ask Steve how that works for him! He will let you know, it really don't. Because at the drop of a dime...I'm angry...the next day I'm happy...then I'm sad. It is a roller coaster ride of epic proportions! I think most days he wants to get off the ride.
He doesn't though, because that would allow room for me to see other men! If he gave me a day of grace, that could mean he would lose the race. He can't have that, because everyone is betting he can't keep a hold of the ball. Mostly, I don't think it's out of love that he holds on, but out of this need to not lose. That like his job is far more important than I am. And the people who would put me in jail for writing this all know that this is true, but we all know that their has to be a compliance to the rules of the "Brotherhood" that includes Prosecutors, Judges and parole and probation. When it comes down to it, it's not my life that is their issue, but that of Paul McDougal and Steven Wittebort. They are one, although my blog would give you the impression they are not. If made to choose, Steve would have to choose Paul's side, thus the PPO back in March. Eventhough, he had hacked my computer and was pulling all the strings in my life...He went to the building at 1200 North Telegraph and got a judge to sing an order against me that would send me to jail or ultimately prison if I violated it.
So, where is the actually justice for me? And as I said in my blog that was too angry to keep, "where is the bottom?" When does the charade end and all the people who swore to protect and serve, stop lying and tell the truth. When will somebody...anybody be accountable for the whole of my life that has been taken and the parts that are being taken right now. When does it end? And at what point does Steve step out of the shadows and into the light. See this is why I can't write everyday, because this is the whole of my day and who wants to hear me whining all the time.
NOT ME!
No comments:
Post a Comment